February 24, 2021No Comments

My Birth Story

Before I forget it, I wanted to write down my birth story. Honestly it's already starting to feel like it happened to someone else. It's kind of strange for me to think about it. Fair warning, tis post is not for everyone, if you're not into this just move on and come back for the next one!

It started Friday evening on the 5th of February. I was doing what I did most evening at the end of my pregnancy, knitting baby clothes while curled up on the couch watching TV shows. It was 11pm or so and I slowly started recognising this wave like tension. It wasn't painful, I could barely feel when it started or ended but I knew I had not felt that before. Overly eager as I was (already 2 days overdue) I tried timing these very mild contractions to see where we were at. I had three every minute and they lasted for 30-45 seconds. We went to bed a little later and I told Patrick that we might have a baby the coming day but I wasn't brave enough to truly believe it, I didn't want to be disappointed again.

At 2am I woke up from a contraction. Still not painful but more forceful and I could clearly feel when they started and ended. I clocked them again, 4 in one minute and about a minute long. The app told me "time to go to the hospital" which I didn't really believe. But I woke Patrick and called the hospital. They didn't have any free rooms at the moment and she told me to take paracetamol and ibuprofen, try to sleep for a bit and maybe take a warm shower if I felt like that would help. I did as instructed and tried to sleep but it was pointless. Not so much because of the pain but due to the excitement and knowing that soon he would be here.

At 4:30am the contractions turned more painful and I had to breathe through them and could no longer talk at the same time. We called in again and they were still full but said we were welcome in and they would try to sort a room for us. As we knew it was full we did not stress. We both showered and packed the last things in the hospital bags. Patrick went and got the car and we texted the dog sitter to come pick up Milo in the morning.

At 5am, literally the second I sat down in the car, my water broke. And not like for most people, just a little, this was the full on movie version haha. As it was -16 outside and the car was still cold we had to go back up to the apartment again for me to change pants. So 5:15 we were finally back in the car and on our way to the hospital. The contractions were now much more painful and I don't remember much of the 25 minute car drive.

We're admitted to BB Stockholm delivery ward at Danderyd Hospital at 5:45. We instantly get a room (so thankful they managed that!) and they do a first check to see my status. 6cm dilated, no wonder the contractions were getting painful! They ask if I want an epidural and I had already, weeks earlier, decided I wanted one as soon as possible. They order one and tell me i usually takes 30-60 minutes before the doctor can do the procedure. She barely finishes the sentence before the doctor enters the room. 06:10 I get my epidural and 06:25 I'm in heaven. Labor is now something super chill. Sure I can feel the contractions coming and going and I can see on the monitor that they are strong. But there's no pain and the epidural even managed to block some of the uncomfortable "pressure feeling" you get which its not actually said to be able to do. I get screened for covid (slow test, routine, used to statistics and tracking later) and the two initial nurses say goodbye as their shift is over.

7am the amazing Maria (midwife) and her nurse Anne enters the room and take over my care. They set the perfect cozy mood light, turn on soft piano music and are just a source of positive and happy energy. They check the CTG and baby is doing fine. I'm now 8cm dilated and progressing quite fast for a first time mom.

We have breakfast and we laugh and talk. Not at all how I imagined child birth but I'm definitely not complaining. They refill my epidural once every 1.5hours and all feels good.

At 10:30 I'm fully dilated with no edges left. Baby is chilling right next to the Spinae bone, a point which at times can make you feel very nauseous but I'm ok for the most part.

At 11am they notice babys basal heart rate is going up and that I'm slowly getting a fever. I remember my feet feeling super warm but other than that I still felt good. At 11:30 they notice meconium colored amniotic fluids and this together with the heart rate has them putting on a scalp electrode to closer monitor him.

Despite being given IV for the fever (both liquids and medicine) it keeps rising and at 12:30 there's been no progess since 10:30 and they decide to put my on oxytocin IV to make my contractions even stronger. At 13:30 there's stil no progress despite me trying to push on and off according to the midwifes instructions. They now have to turn off the oxytocin as they can see that baby is getting more stressed.

At 2pm we sadly have to say goodbye to our favourite midwife/nurse team and welcome a new one (also good, just not as perfect as that other one). They do a timeout with a doctor to discuss my (non existing) progress and decide to give it one last go and turn on the oxytocin IV again. I go back and forth between the birth stool and the bed trying everything they tell me to. It's hard and no longer chill mode but the pain levels are completely fine due to the epidural. I push actively for over an hour before they come to the decision that a vacuum extractor is needed.

At 15:29 they set the vacuum extractor and two contractions/pulls later, at 15:37 the most perfect little boy is born with his umbilical cord wrapped one lap around is throat. Those 8 minutes are probably the worse minutes of my life. The level of pain and discomfort, nausea and panic I felt is not comparable to anything else. But what are 8 minutes when I get a lifetime with my little boy? They quickly set him free from the umbilical cord and give him to me han he makes the cutest little sounds right from start. Everything from this point is mostly a blur and a combination of memory and what I read in my charts.

The placenta came with the last and same push as his body, something quit unusual. I bled a lot, 1600ml, and they are not entirely sure from where or why but suspect the tear rather than the placenta/uterus. They spend 25 minutes stitching me up but that's ok, I barely notice in my baby bubble. I mostly remember asking Patrick a million times if he was ok as he was crying happy tears and I kept repeating the two sentences "he's real" and "he's so tiny". And he was tiny compared to what the ultrasounds had shown. I was expecting him to weigh absolutely minimum 4200g but more likely 4500-4800. But out came 4054g of pure perfection.

Due to how stressed he was during labor and my infection values we had to stay for observation (and IV antibiotics for me) at the hospital for 2 nights. We had a "family room" for just the tree of us and Patrick got to be with us at all times. The room was cozy and the staff amazing, and that says a lot coming from someone who absolutely hates hospitals, has a very low trust level for the general healthcare and have had several traumatic encounters with the healthcare system in the past few years.

All in all I give my delivery 10/10. Besides those 8 minutes of panic and pain it was a great experience that brought me and Patrick closer, that restored a bit of my trust in the healthcare system and that brought us the best thing yet, our beautiful son.

 

 

 

 

January 31, 2021No Comments

Last Weekend Walk Before Baby

It's close to impossible to grasp (still, this close to the due date, haha) that the next time we'll go for one of our weekend walks it will be with a stroller and a little one. Crazy, exciting and absolutely wonderful!

My walking pace these days is not exactly admirable but the sunshine and the snow was just too much to pass up and even though it drained me physically it gave me tons and tons of mental energy. This is one of my favourite places to walk. It's pretty regardless of season and it has so much to offer. The need to find a modell and a dress with a long flowy train and drag them out here for a shoot is crazy strong every time I'm here. Mark my words, this year it will finally happen, no more excuses!

Det är näst intill omöjligt att greppa (fortfarande, så här nära BF) att nästa gång vi går på en av våra helgpromenader kommer det vara med en barnvagn och en liten. Galet, spännande och helt underbart!

Min gångfart är inte direkt imponerande just nu men solen och snön gjorde det helt enkelt för vackert ute för att sitta kvar inne. Och trots att det tog all min fysiska kraft gav det mig så otroligt mycket mental energi. Detta är ett av mina favoritställen för promenader. Det är vackert där alla årstider och det bjuder på så många olika miljöer. Behovet av att hitta en modell och en klänning med ett långt vackert släp och dra med båda ut hit för en fotografering är extremt starkt varje gång vi åker hit. Och jag lovar, i år ska jag göra slag i saken, inga fler ursäkter!

 

 

 

 

 

January 23, 2021No Comments

Hello Snowstorm

Here I was thinking we might not get any snow this winter. Boy was I wrong! We decided to go for a walk today after our usual Saturday early morning grocery shopping. The sun was out and it was beautiful with the newly fallen snow. Somehow, in the time it took us to go home from the grocery store, put on all the warm clothes and drive 15 minutes to this nature reserve, sunshine turned into snowstorm. Not exactly what we had in mind but it was beautiful anyways with the forest, the snow, and the horses and a very happy Milo running around like crazy.

Och jag som trodde att vi inte skulle få någon riktig snö nu i vinter. Tänk va fel jag hade! Vi bestämde oss för att gå en promenad idag efter vår vanliga lördagsmorgons-veckohandling av mat. Solen sken och det va så himla vackert med den nyfallna snön. På något sätt, under tiden det tog oss att köra hem från mataffären, klä på oss alla våra varma kläder och sen köra de 15 minuterna det tar till detta skogsområdet, hann solen bli till snöstorm. inte precis vad vi hade tänkt oss men ändå så otroligt vackert med skogen, snön hästarna och en väldigt glad Milo som for runt som en tok.

 

 

 

 

 

January 7, 2021No Comments

Hello Maternity Leave

January is here and with that my maternity leave. It's a strange feeling, all though I think last years chaos and staying at home so much helped me ease into it. I imagine it would've been quite a shock going from my pre corona traveling and work schedule to just lulling around at home.

My main goal for January is really just to take it very very easy. To relax and rest and strain my body at little as possible so it has all the power it needs to welcome  our baby into this world. The snow is finally falling outside our windows and I'm keeping busy (at a moderate tempo) with all my crafts and projects. A good start to the year in other words!

Text Januari är här och med det min mammaledighet. Det känns så märkligt, även om jag är rätt säker på att senaste årets kaos och allt hemma-häng på grund av corona har hjälpt mig att komma in i det lite enklare. Jag kan tänka mig chocken det hade varit om jag hade gått direkt från rese- och jobbschemat jag hade innan corona till att bara lulla runt hemma. 

Mit mål för Januari 'r egentligen bara att ta det väldigt lugnt. Att försöka slappna av och vila och anstränga min kropp så lite som möjligt så den har all energi som krävs för att välkomna vår son till världen när det väl gäller. Snön faller som i en Disney saga utanför fönstret och jag håller mig sysselsatt (i lagom tempo) med alla mina pyssel och projekt. En bra start på året med andra ord!

December 24, 2020No Comments

Merry Christmas 2020

First of all, a very merry Christmast to all of you! I'm so thankful to be celebrating this one with my closest family, that we could make it work despite this crazy year. But it also saddens me that we couldn't go to Germany to see Patricks family, that all the Christmas markets were closed and that we missed out on so many beloved traditions.

I am however most thankful for the fact that I got to see my sister again, for the first time since last Christmas and for the first and only time with a bump! She will make an incredible aunt to this little miracle and it means so much to me that she got to "meet him" like this and be part of his journey from the very start. I'm happy that she got to feel a few kicks as appreciation for the pretty gifts she made for him and I truly hope they can form a strong bond in the future.

I'm also thankful for a week of relaxation. A week of baking and cooking and making candy, reading books, knitting and board games. This is just what we needed and after all the time spent at home in our apartment this was a welcome change of scenery no matter how much we love our home.

I hope you all find the time to really enjoy this Holiday and to recharge for 2021!

Först och främst, en riktigt god jul till er alla! Jag är så otroligt tacksam för att få fira den med min närmsta familj och att vi lyckades få ihop det trots detta galna år. Men jag är också besviken och ledsen över att vi inte kunde åka till Tyskland och fira med Patricks familj, att för inte varit några julmarknader och att vi gick miste om så många av våra älskade traditioner. 

Jag är nog allra mest tacksam över faktumet att jag fick träffa min syster igen för första gången sen förra julen och för första och ända gången med mage! Hon kommer bli en så himla fin moster till vårt lilla mirakel och det betyder otroligt mycket för mig att hon fick "träffa honom" såhär och vara en del av hans liv redan från början. Jag är glad att hon fick känna på några rejäla sparkar av tacksamhet för de fina presenterna hon gjort åt honom och jag hoppas verkligen att de kan få en stark och fin relation i framtiden. 

Jag är också tacksam för en vecka av avslappning. En vecka med julbak, matlagning och godisverkstad, bokläsning, stickning och brädspel. Detta var precis vad vi behövde och efter all tid vi spenderat i vår lägenhet var det ett välkommet miljöombyte, oavsett hur mycket vi älskar vårt hem.

Jag hoppas att ni alla ser till att verkligen njuta av ledigheten och ladda om inför 2021!